Part II
Somewhere along the way it got to be a mess. I got caught up in his adorable awkwardness. He would be stressed by my presence. I couldn’t help being who I was, it was my essence. These lessons placed value on my purpose. It was so cute I made him nervous. He treats me bad to make himself hate me. Tried to discount, underrate me to the point it would frustrate me. Puzzled at first. It was good, then it got bad, then it was great, then it got worse. A pull — as a magnetic force. He kept me guessing wouldn’t get close. Secretly it was a blessing. Adamant about never addressing what he really felt, that’s how he dealt. He made me pay more attention as I read between the lines. I saw something behind his eyes and went beyond those regular confines. I must have said something to blow his mind, detected a subtle smile in his reaction. What was it in this interaction that gave me so much satisfaction?
The mere idea of it ejects me into the deepest headspace. I’m a cosmonaut that has no place on earth. A head case with emotional knots — that’s it that’s the right spot! Knowing is a blessing and a curse — existing in this strangely complex universe. I cannot face total submission. I’m on this cosmic ride, traveling through time with very few inhibitions. I hold on tight to my ambition. Fueled curiosity, relying solely on intuition and audacity. I still need you to develop my capacities.
I’m training to be in the next revue. I’m starting to be comfortable with you. Your actor friend raved on and on about you. He made me see another side to you. I got his contact to know more about you. Anemic conversations rarely leave me fulfilled. You waited until I paid the bill. You liked the Buffalo Bills and Jets but they were only good in like 19diggitty2. It’s a real gamble but I’m willing to place my bets on you. Something in it will lead me to. A message sent on the telephone, I caught your friend on his flight out as he was on his way home. We talked about Luv and Barebones. The day before we watched the final minutes of the Super Bowl, you know, the Big Game with a pointy ball! The Chiefs beat 49ers that Sunday night and I was a on a mf roll. Displaying my skills, adept at playing, up until the final call.
Curtain calls, bitter brawls, at this point it’s a free for all. Learned how to use nuances and subtle quirks, watch me at work, perfection of a smoldering smirk. I stoke the thought of us being on good terms, good times and no other concerns.
(Photo by Shaonamin)